Terms of Service

Last updated: June 7, 2026. Yes, we know — we're late. Deadass.

Welcome to DeadAss (deadass.online). By using this website, you agree to these Terms of Service. If you don't agree, close the tab and go touch grass. Seriously. Get some fresh air. It's nice out there.

  1. This Is Satire. Everything on DeadAss is satirical, fictional, or exaggerated for comedic effect. If you read something and think "wow, that's crazy," it's probably because we made it up. You are not allowed to cite us in academic papers, news articles, or your therapy sessions.
  2. Don't Sue Us. You can try. Our legal team consists of a single intern who watched one season of "Suits." We are located at 30 Wall Street, 8th Floor, New York, NY 10005. Any disputes will be settled via dance-off in a New York courtroom.
  3. Comments & User Content. If you comment on our articles, you grant us the irrevocable right to use your comment in marketing materials, merchandise, and future articles. We will likely mock you.
  4. Intellectual Property. All content on DeadAss — including articles, images, cartoons, and headlines — is the property of DeadAss Media Inc. You may share links freely. You may not republish our content without credit. You may not steal our jokes and use them on your first date. That's just lazy.
  5. Third-Party Links. We link to other websites sometimes. If you click those links and your computer explodes, that's between you and your computer manufacturer.
  6. Automated Services. We use n8n for automation — including our WhatsApp bot, application processing, and social media distribution. By interacting with our automated systems, you consent to receiving messages that may include sarcasm, dark humor, and the occasional existential observation.
  7. Termination. We reserve the right to ban you from our site for any reason — including but not limited to: being boring, taking us too seriously, or having a bad Twitter take.
  8. Changes to Terms. We may update these terms at any time. We won't tell you. It's your responsibility to check back here periodically.

For questions about these terms, contact us at hell@deadass.online.