In news that shocked exactly no one living below 125th Street, a bungee jumper in Brazil met his maker thanks to some 'obvious red flags' and 'pure negligence.' Brazil, huh? Sounds like a Tuesday morning commute on the L train, just with more jungle and less BO. An 'expert' chimed in, pointing out things like 'ropes should be tied' and 'falling from great heights is generally bad for you.' Thanks, Sherlock. Here in New York, our experts are busy trying to figure out why the subway still smells like regret and stale pizza, despite billions in 'upgrades.' 'Pure negligence,' they say. We call it 'operating procedure.' The only real tragedy here is that the expert didn't then pivot to explaining why our subway lines regularly turn into impromptu aquatic features, or why a simple rat can bring an entire express train to a screeching halt. This poor soul just wanted a thrill; instead, he got a lesson in physics and a starring role in the global 'don't do stupid stuff' highlight reel. At least he didn't have to deal with the 4, 5, 6 express suddenly going local mid-tunnel. So next time you're contemplating a 'thrill,' remember: in NYC, just trying to get across town during rush hour is extreme sports. And the only thing more 'pure negligence' than a faulty bungee cord is trusting the MTA schedule on a Saturday night. At least the view from the top (before the plummet) was probably decent. Unlike, say, Grand Central at 5 PM on a Friday. Some things are just not worth the risk, people.