💸 Don't Be Broke
Buy This Instead

Limited-edition DeadASS threads for people with bad taste and good credit. Each item is hand-sarcasmed by our team of professionally unemployed writers.

$49.99

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🔥 Choose Your Poison

Coming Soon

"I Read DeadASS" T-Shirt

Premium cotton. Bold statement. Guaranteed to make your mom unsubscribe from the family group chat.

$29.99

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Pre-Order

"Gentrified AF" Hoodie

So soft it'll make you forget you're paying $68 for a hoodie. Features: one hood, two pockets, infinite regret.

$67.99

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Limited

Unwanted Truth Snapback

Embroidered "NY's #1 Source For Unwanted Truth." Adjustable. Machine washable. Therapist not included.

$34.99

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Eco-Friendly

"Ask Me About My Satire" Tote

Heavy-duty canvas tote. Holds groceries, resentment, and the crushing weight of NYC rent. Reusable, just like our jokes.

$24.99

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Dishwasher Safe

"I Survived DeadASS" Mug

11oz ceramic mug. Holds coffee. Holds tea. Holds the quiet realization that you've been reading this site for 2 hours.

$19.99